Marry Her
We are all well aware of what happens when you refresh your Instagram feed. “I CANNOT WAIT TO MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!!" *insert heart emojis here* caption appears and like clockwork you screen shot the picture to your best friend and you two analyze the ring, the proposal, place bets on whether she will be a bridezilla or not and then seriously contemplate how she got a guy to get down on one knee and you can hardly get a guy to commit to dinner. No one prepared me for what it would feel like when everyone around me is busy making crucial decisions on flower arrangements or why I feel like an alien for focusing on my dreams before what hair style will work best with my veil and they sure as shit didn’t warn me for what it would feel like when the one I once loved commits to love someone else, forever. After college graduation I fell head over heels, real life Nicholas Sparks novel, googly eyed in love. We grew up in the same home town, walked the same middle school hallways, shared a love for the ocean, and always out did one another’s thoughtfulness. We shared laughs, talked about the future, and danced around the kitchen whether music was playing or not. We had painted the ultimate picture of love. Our careers and dreams drove us to live on the opposite side of the country from one other but our promises solidified that come hell or high water we would make it work. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Shortly after I packed up my life and moved to Los Angeles, I got the “we need to talk” text. In that moment, my stomach fell out of my butt and I cried myself to sleep for weeks to come. I laid awake at night trying to understand why he would end our relationship and played each day over and over in my head looking for what went wrong. Time went on, wounds healed, new relationships formed and all was well in the world again. The dust settled, we reconnected and talked more than was good for either one of us; and there I was yet again hanging onto the thinnest string of possibility. Before the news hit social media, I got a phone call from him that instantly wiped away all that ever could have been and every promise that was whispered into my ear. Two hours and too many tears later we hung up the phone. I got up off my bedroom floor and opened the window for some much needed fresh air. He was going to say “I do” to another women and that was that. After a 911 phone call to my best friend and 5 mimosas later, ironically, my head was all the sudden crystal clear. I was more in love with the idea of him than I was with him. I was in love with a beautifully painted canvas that would never have ever been reality. A small part of my heart will always be his even if I never hear his voice again and I wish him nothing but the best but I thank my lucky stars that he pulled the cord on our relationship. I am not meant to be with someone who doesn't cherish my dreams and drive as their very own. I am not the girl who settles and from here on out I will never settle again for a painted picture when I know I deserve nothing but the real thing. So when the picture of your ex and his new bride to be appear on your phone, remember that it is ok to cry, it is ok to judge her wedding dress and it is ok to feel like you will be single until you are 100 years old. But once you snap out it and put down the bottle of wine, realize that even the most tragic heartbreaks are a blessing in disguise and that the best is truly yet to come.
