5 Things To Do The Day Your Ex Gets Engaged

I remember hearing the words come through the speaker and feeling like a bomb had gone off. It wasn’t until I hung up the phone that I realized I was sitting on the hard wood floor trying to understand why lifeless tears had formed in my eyes. We had been broken up over a year ago, so what if he was getting married?

Without thinking twice, I called my girlfriend who lived down the street, spoke the words “he’s engaged” and within minutes our lipstick matched our maxi dresses and were off to take full advantage of bottomless mimosas. At about 3PM that day I realized two things; 1. I was in desperate need of water 2. this was one of those life moments that your mom and best friends’ older sister tells you about but you aren’t able to fully digest the odd feeling until it happens to you personally.

Even though time has passed, dust has settled and memories have been tucked away in the “do not open” file it’s a strangely odd feeling knowing that he is committed to someone, for life.

If you are already a member of the ‘my ex is married’ club, I hope you read the below and say AMEN SISTA out loud to your computer screen. If you aren’t yet a member don’t worry – your time will come. And when it does I hope the below suggestions pop up in your head.

5 things you should do the weekend your ex gets engaged:

1. Pop Bottles
Whether you are popping a bottle to celebrate him being taken off the market or if, in the moment, wine feels like the only answer in your life – pour yourself a little extra. Get together with your girlfriends and raise your glasses high, “Here’s to the guys who love us, the losers who lost us, and the lucky bastards that get to meet us.” CHEERS!

2.  Pretend To Be The CIA
Ok so usually I wouldn’t promote digging deep because 98% of the time I believe that stalking opens up a bad can of worms but in this case the world wide web is all yours girlfriend. Take a screen shot her ring and that terrible outfit she wore in 2014. Roll your eyes at the sappy captions and give yourself credit for having better eyebrows then her. You know, the important things in life. Warning: if your heart strings are still attached to this human I would suggest throwing your phone away – half serious. Before searching the wedding hashtag be aware that seeing him kissing his bride to be has the potential to sting like a MF. 

3. Do Something For You
Whether you go visit the new shop around the corner or go as extreme as getting out of town do something that will keep your mind occupied while enjoying a new experience.

4. Know This
If you’re bitter, great. If you’re genuinely happy for him, lovely. If watching ants crawl is more appealing to you then his happiness, fantastic. I’m not a therapist but I feel confident in saying that whatever emotion is running through your body – it’s ok to be feeling that way. Trust that there is a reason you are not the one walking down the aisle to meet him at the alter and know that this has zero indication of your self-worth. 

5. Make Plans To Crash The Wedding
Joke. This is a joke. Do not crash the wedding. I repeat: do not crash the wedding. However, if you are going for crazy ex-girlfriend of the century make sure your dress is f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s.

How did you react when you heard the news of your ex getting down on one knee? What suggestion would you add to the list above?

Off To The Chapel,
Chel