What I Wish I Knew Before Getting Into A Long Distance Relationship
Real talk, I was crazy hesitant to pursue a long distance relationship … again. I had been in an LDR before Robby and well, clearly that didn’t work out. After that relationship came to a screeching stop, I became tainted by the miles. Tainted by the effort. Tainted by having a piece of my heart missing day in and day out. Tainted by having the feeling of loneliness consume me. When Robby and I reconnected, it was my gut reaction to build a wall so damn high that not even a super hero could break down. Turns out, Robby apparently has secret powers because he made the wall come crumbling down before I could even blink.
I remember like it was yesterday, the confident sincerity in his voice promising me that we will figure it all out and here we are, after two plus years of distance, a proposal and a cross country move. Before I had fully unpacked my life in Boston the question of HOW IS IT LIVING TOGETHER came rolling in at lighting speed. We co-habit almost to perfection and even though we both now have the same mailing address the distance isn’t over. Yes, the miles apart may be on a “smaller” scale but his career has him on an airplane … constantly. Between the travel and the 11(ish) hours spent at the baseball field on a daily basis we aren’t exactly attached at the hip.
God knows that I don’t hold all the secrets and I’m well aware that what has worked for Robby and myself may not work for you and your other half. However, I do know the craving for someone who understands all things that a long distance relationship encompasses so if you get anything out of this article let it be the comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
3 Things That I Wish I Knew Then:
1. The Use Of Your Phone
When Robby and I started dating, again, my phone was GLUED to my hand. Whether I was peeing, at work or out to dinner with friends, my phone was in arms reach at all times. I began to view my phone as a lifeline to our relationship. He and I texted constantly, even when there wasn’t anything to talk about. We were knee deep in the idea that if we talked 24/7 it would feel as if the miles between us didn’t exist. When the evenings rolled around aka our window of time to Facetime we had nothing to talk about. We would both blankly stare at the screen of our phones already knowing every single detail of each other’s days. We eventually had “the talk” and were both in agreement to keep conversation, during the day, to a minimum so we would be able to catch up with one other “face to face.” At the time, we figured that if we lived in the same city we wouldn’t be blowing up each other’s phones rather we would talk about our days over dinner so, that’s exactly what we began to do … just virtually!
It is so common for us to hide behind our phones which makes having a conversation about this or that sometimes feel too casual. Whether you live 2,000 miles away from your significant other or if you two come home to the same home every night – I would advise you to jump into conversation mode when you can look each other in the eye as opposed to tapping away on a keyboard.
2. The Perfect Visit
Every time I would board a plane to visit Robby I thought my stomach was going to burst with butterflies!! Between his demanding baseball schedule and, at the time, my cubicle work schedule our visits typically lasted for an extremely short amount of time. Due to a consistent small window of time together, I inflicted an incredible amount of pressure on myself for everything to go “perfect” during my trips to him. If the day wasn’t a page out of a fairy tale storybook from the moment we opened our eyes to the moment we laid our head on the pillow, the anxiety in my chest would rise until the tears welled up in my eyes. The notion of “making up for lost time” drove me to complete insanity and it took me some time before I was able to fully step back and see the bigger picture.
For those that can relate, know that you are not backed into a corner of making up for the days and nights you spent “without” each other. Instead of letting the stress of fitting everything into a visit indulge in the little moments like snuggling up on the same couch together while watching your favorite TV show.
3. The Approval Of Others
“You’re going to see your boyfriend….AGAIN?!”
That question used to make my skin crawl as if I physically had ants running up and down my arm. Not only did I find it blatantly rude but absolutely uncalled for. Let’s break this down and sprinkle some perspective onto the situation …..
Does your friend Susy see her boyfriend every other day if not every day? Thought so.
Do those in an LDR have to FLY somewhere simply to have breakfast with theirs? Yup.
My biggest advice to those who have to print a boarding pass to have time with their other half is to shut out any side comments or side eyes. Life is full of people expressing their unwarranted opinions but remember it’s up to you how you react. Put your energy towards your relationship and don’t ever feel the need to explain to someone how often you travel to physically see your significant other.
