Wedding Invite Etiquette: How to Handle Guest List Dilemma

Thoughts that cross your mind when creating a wedding guest list ….

Why am I sweating?
Is this what anxiety feels like?
There’s no way we can’t invite him.
What was our invite criteria again?
Hmm, should we make an exception for them?
Maybe eloping would be easier.
Seriously, why can’t I stop sweating?
If she knew she was on the B list she would burn down our apartment.

When “they” say that one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding is figuring out your guest list, THEY WEREN’T LYING. Knowing that you have to pick and choose who will be there to witness one of the biggest moments of your life may seem like all fun and games until you factor in budget and venue size and then it’s a whole new ball game.

If you’re hunting for guest list tips read this post.

Now, let’s jump to what happens after you send out the invitations and you come to face to face with someone who isn’t invited and ask if their invite got lost in the mail?

*awkward laugh* 

WARNING: this is one of the most delicate situations imaginable. The below is my advice based on experience of being on both sides of the spectrum. Whether you agree with me or not, that’s fine. Regardless of how you handle the situation, please do so with class.

As a bride to be, you never want someone to feel that you are cutting them out of your life because you didn’t invite them to witness your vows. As a person who didn’t receive an invite you, naturally, have questions as to why you didn’t make the cut. Before you feel guilt or walk around with a chip on your shoulder here’s a little insight into it all ….

TO THE ONE THAT DIDN’T GET THE GOLDEN TICKET:
So, you didn’t get the invite. Ouch. You may feel a sting but before you run around town bad mouthing the couple or unfollow them on social media do yourself a favor and take a breath. As you do so, think about your relationship to the bride and or groom:

How would you describe your relationship?

When was the last time you two had a conversation?

Are you confident that the invitations have gone out and not just the save the dates? Aka are you jumping to conclusions?

Why are you upset that you’re not invited? Is it because you suffer FOMO to the 10th degree or is it because you are truly bummed that you won’t be able to share this life memory with them.

ADVICE: If not being invited is keeping you awake at night then pick up the phone and call the bride and or groom. Do not go through a middle party, do not send an email, do not send a text. Go straight to the source and express how you are feeling. I would advise you to take your emotions out of the picture and realize that the decision may have not had anything to do with your personally. The bride and groom could have very well loved for you to attend but due to vendor capacity, budget restrictions, family obligations and parent’s requests the decision could have very well boiled down to logistics.
 

TO THE ALMOST NEWLEYWEDS:
I get it. You both are making 102 decisions and you have nightmares about the flowers arriving wilted and your napkin color not being the shade you tirelessly chose. You may be so stressed leading up to the big day that you may not realize how you inadvertently hurt someone’s feeling by not including them. Cutting your guest list is one of the must gut wrenching and ruthless things you have done to date and if it were up to you, you would shake the money tree and invite the world to witness your love but, that isn’t the reality. If you are in the process of planning a wedding know this: YOU WILL NOT PLEASE EVERYONE. No matter how hard you try, you won’t.

ADVICE: Be aware. When having a conversation with a friend who is not invited to the wedding take your bridal blinders off and put your friend hat on. Handle the situation with grace, honesty and with a gentle tone. Once your wedding day is said and done with you want to spend time basking in the glory of being a newlywed and not spending time mending broken relationships.

With a big exhale,
Chels 

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